This weekend Kevin and I did what is known around our house as Casting A Stern Eye.
This means we go through all our shit and purge as ruthlessly as possible. We do this two or three times a year. It is generally precipitated by my suggesting that we build another room or excavate a bigger crawl space in which to store our shit.
But this weekend’s activity was inspired not by cascading piles of shit, but by our bank’s annual “Spring shredding event” (wear your party dress!). Rather than the usual closets and cupboards, we took on the filing cabinets.
We not only went through our financial files but also our personal ones – you know, our separate stashes of random shit that each of us finds meaningful or interesting.
I like to do this once a year to remind myself that miracles do happen. Specifically, that Kevin and I find each other meaningful or interesting in any way for longer than 37 seconds on a daily basis.
Me: Oh, look, it’s a copy of the Myers-Briggs test. That personality test I made you take and then we got into a huge fight about it.
He: In my file, I have “How To Hang A Door.”
Me: I wonder if I should keep this astrology chart…
He: Hey, here are my military security clearances. I should put these somewhere….
Me: You should take this test, too [holds up paper] and see “What Goddess Are You Ruled By?”
He: [resignedly] I am ruled by you.
Me: “Mold Control.” Hmm. [Thinks for a minute, then shrugs and tosses it in bag]
He: Don’t throw that out!! [snatches paper out of bag] That’s perfect for my Duct Air Cleaner file.
Me: “The Physiological and Cognitive Benefits of Creeping in Infants.”
He: “Mission: Readiness – A Personal and Family Guide to Deployment.”
And so on.
We took three bags full of paper to the “shredding event.” Alas, they were not serving margaritas.
He: [resignedly] I am ruled by you.
hahaha. Truer words were never spoken
Our files are markedly different. I cannot fathom hers, but I can explain mine:
I wanted the article on mold for my indoor air quality folder (a professional topic of study for AF environmental types), I do keep my security clearance questionnaires on file (it’s bad enough for the Man to have one dossier on you, but inconsistencies between questionnaires is a sure road to having many, thick dossiers), and I do file home-improvement things in a big home-improvement binder (why pay to have someone hang a door or install a light?).
And as to the issue of rule: he who cooks is never ruled by she who eats.
A corollary of Murphy’s Law is that what you toss on Saturday that is picked up by Waste Management on Wednesday will be essential to have on Friday.
“Why oh why did I throw out that xeroxed article on the Black Death that sat in my file for five years and now is urgently required?”