Open letter to Christmas
Dear Christmas,
You know I love you, that I could never feel any other way. I pine for you all year. I sing hymns to you, dress for you, empty my wallet for you. I savor every moment of the all-too-brief time we have together before that bitch January comes and takes you away from me.
So tell me, baby: Why you treat me so bad?
My devotion to you has turned my world upside down.
Uppity Rib goes unattended for days at a time; readers come by only to hear virtual crickets chirping in the stillness.
My friends all wonder if I’ve died because their emails to me go unanswered.
I solicit everyone I know so often for donations to my Adopt-A-Family page, they suspect I actually have a crack habit.
I almost put my back out and popped a blood vessel in my eye putting up my Christmas tree.
I’ve used up so much paper making Christmas cards, the Tree Conservancy is suing.
My sweetie comes home later and later from work every night, so sick is he of the Christmas movies and holiday music that assault him there.
At the end of the day, I’m so tired from all of our activities, I fall asleep in the middle of dinner. My love for you leaves me exhausted…spent.
I wish I knew how to quit you, Christmas.
Technorati Tags: Christmas spirit, devotion, Adopt A Family, crack habit, Tree Conservancy
Filed under Gollum Lives |4 Responses to “Open letter to Christmas”
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I can’t hear the virtual crickets…are they chirping Christmas songs too?
I can’t believe you’re doing all this holiday slumming…what would chicklet say?
I wonder if they have a Saint Nick’s Anonymous?
[…] Although I doubt that I will be going all out like some uppity people I know… I wish I knew how to quit you, Christmas. […]
You MUST be really busy! I have to comment on this one again. Hmmm…that’s uh, what’s the “Rachel” word? Bullpucky! That word rocks! Which must mean you rock! Your whole damn blog rocks; keep it up!