To the jackass who smashed my car window
When I came back from shopping at the book store after work Monday to find my driver’s side window lying in tiny pieces on the pavement, I was astonished.
After my old ‘86 Honda Civic (RIP) was broken into twice by crackheads who stole everything from the ear-waxy cell phone hands-free mic to a pile of decrepit yoga clothes, I know better than to keep anything of value in my car.
So I couldn’t imagine why you had smashed the window of my Saturn. Maybe you thought my work badge, which is white and rectangular and was sitting in the cup-holder, was an iPod? It’s about that size. That would kinda make sense, though you would have to be sorta blind not to notice it’s also totally flat.
Kevin suggested maybe you saw my “Republicans For Voldemort” bumper-sticker and decided to prove your loyalty to the Dark Lord? Possible, but smashing a car window in a public parking lot in broad daylight is pretty risky, and you would have known that since he’s dead, Lord Voldemort is unlikely to try to break you out of Azkaban.
Your motivation for this seemingly high-effort/low-yield crime remained unsolved until the next morning, when Kevin was packing my lunch. (He’s sweet that way.)
“Where is your lunch bag?” he said. Our eyes met as realization dawned.
Ever the recycle queen, I have been taking my lunch to work each day in a little orange paper bag I got several months ago at Lucy, a clothing store at the mall. If I run errands after work, I leave the battered bag in the car.
So jackass, I hope you enjoy knowing that you risked jail time for a beat-up paper bag and dirty tupperware. The thought sure makes my day.
Fuck you very much,
Uppity
Filed under Rib Rants |4 Responses to “To the jackass who smashed my car window”
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Ha ha! It would be even better if the Tupperware had been sitting for a couple of weeks and was growing a toxic mold. Asshole!
Of if he/she had actually eaten it!
Maybe they thought there’d be food in the tupperware?
Amy & Darlene - I love the way you gals think!
Amaya - if they did, that makes it even more jackassed of them. Oy!