The one and only thing I have to offer

May 5th, 2008

Yesterday during a long walk through the park, I listened to a podcast called Writers on Writing. The host ended the program with a quote from author Barbara Kingsolver:

Close the door. Write with no one looking over your shoulder. Don’t try to figure out what other people want to hear from you; figure out what you have to say. It’s the one and only thing you have to offer.

What we have to say is born of who we are. Who we really are, not who we think we are or who we want to be or who others want us to be. Scraping off all of that shit is what everyone over the age of three spends the rest of their life doing.

I started this blog so I could write about myself. Us bloggers don’t usually think about it in such narcissistic terms, but it’s true; we write about our own thoughts and feelings about things. And if we write honestly, we expose ourselves.1

I thought writing about my abortion was scary until I started writing fiction again.

A fantastically fake world was the last place I ever thought I’d find Truth. I’m not writing a deep, subtle, lyrical literary gem; I’m writing a lurid tale of vampires and werewolves and ghosts (oh my!). I’m still as shocked as the proverbial deer in the headlights at the things coming at me.

In the same podcast, the host asked author Amy Bloom what advice she had for writers. She said she tells her students to make a list of the things they are afraid of. That way, at least they’ll be aware of what they’re avoiding in their writing.

There’s a scene in my novel that scared the crap out of me while I was writing it. I had sweaty palms, pounding heart, the whole bit. It describes in detail one of my greatest fears, something packed deep down in my heart that has nothing to do with vampires.

I nearly stopped writing this scene half way through, then realized that a story made of only the safe parts of me is no story at all. I had to go for the full monty.

Writing, or any form of expression, is like that if we want it to ring true. If all we have to offer is what we have to say, then we can’t be afraid of the truth.

Or rather, be afraid, be very afraid - but write it anyway.

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7 Responses to “The one and only thing I have to offer”

  1. Unhinged on May 6, 2008 6:09 pm

    Great post, but then yours always are.

    I love the quote from Barbara Kingsolver, but you know what? Ever since I discovered my internal editor, it’s been a real struggle ever since. My writing’s improved, but it’s slow going.

    I think it’s a HUGE success for your story that what you were writing caused those emotions. If YOU aren’t scared, repulsed, shocked, etc., then how can your reader be?

    Yeah. Written by a girl who hasn’t yet quite hit that level yet…

    So. Vampires, wolves and ghosts. Any romance in there? :-)

  2. Lachlan on May 6, 2008 7:30 pm

    Uppity, I love you. I really do.

    Thanks for this post, I really needed to see this right now. I’ve been internally hatin’ on my writing again.

  3. Uppity on May 8, 2008 6:29 pm

    Unhinged - thanks and yes, there’s lots of romance in my story. It’s actually crucial to the plot. I was sweaty writing those scenes, too, but in a different way… ;)

    Lach - Right back at you and you’re very welcome. I know how you feel; hang in there. It will get easier.

  4. Darlene on May 15, 2008 2:20 pm

    Okay, now I’m intrigued. What scared you? Inquiring minds want to know!

  5. Uppity on May 17, 2008 7:10 pm

    Not tellin’! You’ll have to wait til it debuts on the bestseller list! :)

  6. Unhinged on May 18, 2008 5:45 pm

    All I ask?

    Keep us in the friggen LOOP.

  7. Uppity on May 18, 2008 6:00 pm

    Consider yourself on the loop list, U.

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