AKA: Is that a cucumber in your pocket or did you just grow another leg?

Last year, after letting my vegetable garden get so weedy that I accidentally decapitated my pumpkins whilst attempting to clean it up, I swore I was going to pay more attention to my gardens this year.

And I did. At first. Sort of.

In the herb plot, I removed a purple sage that didn’t weather the winter very well and planted two new ones. I also planted twelve basils, a new oregano (the genus of which Kevin says is Another Damn Oregano), and dill (for seeds that for some reason are impossible to find in the store). Kevin brought home something he said was borage, so we planted it with the rest of the herbs.

For the vegetable garden, I got two different types of tomato plants plus a cherry tomato I’d never heard of before – let’s live on the wild side, shall we? – an eggplant (I think), and two cucumbers. No peas, as we started too late and I didn’t want to watch the poor anemic things struggle up my trellis all summer.

Lastly, I transplanted my potted mint to to the rock ring in the front yard where they could go ape-shit unresented. Also in the ring went a different type of lavender than the two I already have there and a creeping rosemary in hopes that it would greenify the rock.

An auspicious start, all in all.

Then summer really kicked in and well, I kinda forgot about it all except on the days I noticed the hose rigged up to the side of the house and thought, “Hey, didn’t we take that out of the garage for some reason?”

Nonetheless, we did alright – give or take a few plants:

• The new purple sage has pretty much just sat there, remaining wee, but its uglier cousin the garden sage had a growth spurt in August and may take over the whole plot.
• The new, superfluous oregano is holding its own, despite derision from he-who-shall-not-get-any-of-it.
• I managed to harvest the dill seeds before the neighborhood rodents did.
• My beloved two-year old rosemary is fragrant and gorgeous, if a bit leggy.
• The bay tree got a haircut, and not even an ’80′s lopsided one this time.
• We harvested oregano, mint, sage, and thyme a few thymes this season and our jars are full.
• We finally pulled up all the basil plants yesterday, and now have enough pesto in the freezer to keep an Italian extended family happy this winter.
• The “borage” plant grew like gangbusters, large and leafy. Too bad we found out a few days ago that it’s belladonna.
• The so-called “eggplant” produced no fruit at all. Plant of Mystery go in waste bucket with belladonna.
• One word on this year’s tomatoes: Meh. The regular ones are rather small and misshapen, and the “cherry” tomatoes turned out not so much cherry as orange…and round and bland. But they were both edible, so we et ‘em.
• But oh, the cucumbers! Definitely this year’s garden success story. Each one has weighed about ten pounds, with length and girth the envy of all…cucumbers:

So while the gardens by the back door (where we go all the time) did more or less decently this year, the plants in the rock ring in the front yard (where we go only when we check the mail once a day) did not.

• The creeping rosemary, while still living, doth not creep. It just sits there, much as it did when first planted three months ago. I’m hoping it’s just waiting, the Chuck Norris of rosemary.
• The new lavender didn’t grow beyond its two stalks, bless its stubby little heart, and the leaves on medium-sized lavender turned funny colors. But at least those two bloomed – as opposed to the giant lavender, which didn’t do nuthin’.
• And most of the transplanted mint is, unbelievably, dead as a doornail.

The moral of this story? Just because you can’t see them, doesn’t mean your plants don’t need water.

Well, that’s the Farm Report for 2008.  All cucumber jokes left in the comments will be cross-referenced and posted as an index.

[tags]gardening, herbs, cucumbers[/tags]