Kevinism of the Day

the answer to one of the most mysterious natural phenomenons…

Crop circles are … crop squares with the corners rounded off.

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Metamorphosissssss

“My preciousssssss….”

I hear the hiss and turn slightly in my chair, straightening with difficulty from my rather hunched position. Squinting into the darkness, I whisper, “What?”

“We sits in the dark and we types it…” says the voice. “We types and we learns and we reads, don’t we, my preciousssss…”

In the blue of the computer screen, can just make out Kevin standing in the doorway. “My little Gollum,” he says, shaking his head, “with her paddy little fingers and big, round nocturnal eyes.”

His voice becomes reedy again. “‘We sits in the dark. We sits and we types.’”

I stifle a convulsion in my throat and turn back to the computer. Stupid fat Hobbitt.

Technorati Tags: Gollum, hobbit, blogging, addiction

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The Prodigal Gardener

OK, so I’m a lazy gardener.

I’m a good example of what happens when a city mouse shacks up in suburbia with a country mouse: I get all excited about gardening every spring, make plans, plant a buttload of stuff, and then forget about the upkeep. Like watering and weeding and harvesting and watering and weeding and … you get the idea.

But all may not be lost: Herby the Gnome is back.

We think Herby has belonged to this house since it was built in the 1940’s. He ran away shortly after we moved in, after his less than welcoming first encounter with Kevin:

But this weekend, I spied a familiar face peeking at me from within the basil.

Perhaps garden gnomes are like those house elves in the Harry Potter books: they can’t leave until their masters give them new clothes. One more good reason to ban Kevin from doing the laundry.

Technorati Tags: garden gnomes, herbs, surburbia, house elves, brown thumb

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Kevinism Of The Day

We ran out of cat food this weekend, so Kevin bought some when he went grocery shopping.

“Made with yogurt, for old cats who are losing their teeth.”

I have no doubt that if Baxter knew of this indignity, he would find a way to piss on Kevin’ pillow.

Some day, we’ll all be Baxters: gumming our food, losing our hair, and pissing wherever we damn well please.

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Kevinism Of The Day

“We share 99.9% of our DNA with pirates.”

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