36 Things You Love About You

Or hate. Or whatever - I just want to hear about them because I’m bored with thinking about me. And besides, you never know your friends as well as you think you do.

Case in point: I took the Myers-Briggs Personality Test recently (hey, my employer made me do it) and I scored a ENFP. This was exactly as I expected. So when I got home, I made Kevin take the test, too, mainly so I could predict his result and show him how iNtuitive I am. He scored an INTJ and let’s just say crow tastes lovely with a side of greens and a nice Chianti.

If you don’t have a blog for me to fill this out on, you can read my answers on Lachlan’s.

COPY FROM HERE, THEN SEND DIRECTLY TO ME IN A COMMENT! THEN, REPOST THE EMPTY QUESTIONS ON YOUR OWN BLOG.

Even if you don’t have a blog, I’d still love it if you would fill it out and post it in a comment. Pretty please?

1) Are you currently in a serious relationship?
A.
2) What was your dream growing up?
A.
3) What talent do you wish you had?
A.
4) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
A.
5) Favorite vegetable?
A.
6) What was the last book you read?
A.
7) What zodiac sign are you?
A.
8. Any tattoos and/or piercings? Explain where.
A.
9) Worst habit?
A.
10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
A.
11) What is your favorite sport?
A.
12) Do you have a negative or optimistic attitude?
A.
13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
A.
14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
A.
15) Tell me one weird fact about you.
A.
16) Do you have any pets?
A.
17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly?
A.
18) What was your first impression of me? (hmmm…careful!)
A.
19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
A.
20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
A.
21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
A.
22) What color eyes do you have?
A.
23) Ever been arrested?
A.
24) Bottle or can soda?
A.
25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
A.
27) What’s your favorite place to hang at?
A.
28) Do you believe in ghosts?
A.
29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
A.
30) Do you swear a lot?
A.
31) Biggest pet peeve?
A.
32) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
A.
33) Do you believe/appreciate romance?
A.
35) Do you believe in God?
A.
36) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?
A.

Skinny-dipping with Uppity

It has come to my attention that I’m being beckoned back into the meme pool by that righteous (and seriously sassy) rib Sassywho:

“What would you ask your friends to retrieve, hide, or destroy before your grieving family members were able to discover in moments of despair, should you die unexpectedly?”

Cannonball!

1. Somewhere out there is a photo of barely-teen me in my underwear with my nonexistant boobie exposed. It was taken by my friend Dona one evening in my bedroom when we decided to take “glamour shots” of each other. So we did our makeup and hair, stripped down to our granny panties, and grabbed the old drug-store Kodak Instamatic. It’s not so much that I wouldn’t want family to see my boobie as I fear that the classy basement-bedroom backdrop would make them think I’d been posing under duress for some pervy next-door neighbor. However, given that this photo was taken about 25 years ago, I’m not too worried about it suddenly turning up.

2. Kevin, please dispose of portions of my music collection. I do not want anyone to guess that I purchased Barry Manilow classics on iTunes because they are forever fused with my first fond memories of sexual awakening. (To those familiar with my fag-haggery, this explains a lot.)

3. Oh, and my X-Files DVD collection - please leave it anonymously on James’ & Jennifer’s doorstep, in a basket with a blankie and a tear-stained note. When children are starving in Africa, SIX HUNDRED DOLLARS is an appalling amount of money to pay for nine seasons of reruns, even if the show is the Greatest & Longest-Running Sexual Tease of All Time.

4. Kellie, please spirit away my standard-issue vibrator. You have my permission to burn out its motor using it to stir concrete like you did yours. Not that finding a vibrator would be shocking to my family in this day and age. I mean, vibes are as common these days as toasters. Except in Alabama, where they’re illegal and every woman owns an electric toothbrush.

That’s about it for tangible naughtiness. To truly avoid embarrassing my family, I would need my friends to hide or destroy their memories (and any videos made) of things I’ve done in my misspent youth.

List of Things I’d Really Rather Nobody Remember Me For:

5. DB, let’s just forget that time we had sex on a bench in the yard of St. Mark’s Cathedral on National Outdoor Sex Day. It was not good for me (though I think our audience of squirrels had a good laugh) and I am still picking splinters out of my ass.

6. Diana, when you meet my grandmother, please avoid telling her about our 24 hours on acid. Not that I don’t want us to remember it; indeed, it is one of my most cherished memories. But Grandma just won’t understand how I morphed into the Queen of England, or how you mesmerized us all as you swayed, skin gleaming in the light, to “Love Song For A Vampire.”

7. Laura, I think they are all gone now, but just in case, please go through my closets and ditch all the fugly, tight clothes I wore in my twenties during that (mercifully short) fashion-disaster phase that culminated in the red spandex mini-dress I wore to your wedding. I must have been going through a “If you got it, flaunt it” thing but I’m not sure as I’ve kind of blocked it out.

8. And finally - not titillating but still embarrassing - Paisley, please forget that you and I did NOT read that asshole bus driver the riot act for telling us that “Ladies don’t say ‘penis’ in public.” I know we woulda been kicked off the bus in the worst neighborhood in town in the middle of the night, but goddamn it, we should have handed that cretin his ass. Because fifteen years later it still pisses me off that we didn’t.

There you have it - the stuff of my shame. Stop that yawning!

Technorati Tags: memes, Barry Manilow, The X Files, National Outdoor Sex Day

Got regrets?

A groovy thing about blogging is that it keeps me in touch with What The Kids Are Doing These Days, a.k.a. popular culture, of the geek persuasion in particular.

Seriously, you don’t know how easy it is to live in another time zone until you cancel your cable, stop reading the newspaper, and start spending inordinate amounts of time contemplating your navel. Then alla sudden, you look up and there’s this all this shit going on that did not exist in your world in 1995. Like the blogosphere. And it has its own geek speak, too, like RSS feed and social bookmarking and traffic and meme. (Thank god for Urban Dictionary is all I can say.)

Which brings us to today’s post topic. Meme: 4 : in blogspeak, an idea that is spread from blog to blog.

Found a fun weekly meme over at Tina’s Tuesdays and this is my first contribution.

Regrets

1. What is one thing you regret you never did? Remember to shut the garage door that one time I came home at 2 am, because some crack-head stole our $500 saw that night. Now I am totally paranoid and have to check the garage door forty times before I can go to bed, which means if I want to be asleep by 10 pm, I have to start at 8.
2. What do you regret not saying to a loved one? “I love you dearly, but if you can’t say something supportive when I share my innermost dreams with you, you can fuck directly off. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.”
3. Do you have more regrets now than you did 5 years ago? Yes, because I am five years older (which, by the way, is NOT one of the things I regret) and the only way I would not have more regrets is if I were perfect. On the upside, I no longer regret having regrets - they are an unavoidable side effect of living life to the fullest and I’ll never go back to living in fear.

There! That was fun. Thanks Tina! Check out her site for more contributions to the meme pool.

Technorati Tags: meme, blogspeak, blogosphere

Tagged, like the cow.

At least once a week, I scold Lachlan for her penchant for tear-assing down hallways and smashing into unsuspecting little me as I come around the corner.

“We have to stop meeting like this,” I say, rubbing my knees where they’ve collided with hers. “You need a cowbell.”

So methinks it’s her sweet revenge to tag me like a floppy-eared bovine.

First rule of Fight Club is: You do not talk about… Oh wait, wrong rules.

The Rules:

1. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
2. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
4. At the end of your blog post, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
5. Don’t forget to leave them each a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

The Eight:

1. HABIT: Hmmm. Habits are hard to identify because…well, they’re habits. The defintion of a habit is “an acquired behavior pattern regularly followed until it has become almost involuntary” - in other words, things we do without thinking about them. So I’m thinking about the things I do that I do without thinking. I think I think too much.

2. FACT: I am secretly shy. Kevin says it’s not a secret but I can’t bring myself to confirm that.

3. FACT: I was born in Deadwood - yes, that Deadwood. The Deadwood I grew up in actually looked a lot more like the 19th century TV version than what it looks like now. Legalized gambling has turned that town into a gaudy nightmare.

4. FACT: I adore Mediterranean food, could eat it every day til I die. If it has tomatoes, or olives, or garlic, I’ll eat it. Good bread is manna from heaven; red wine is nectar of the gods. I’m a lactose intolerant paradox of a cheese whore.

5. FACT: I don’t like to cook, but I love to bake. As I write this, I nibble on banana bread I made a couple of days ago. I could never be a low-carb devotee, for what is life without sourdough? Cornbread muffins? Cake!? Kevin appreciates my single culinary interest, though he does wonder how I manage to get so much flour on my butt in the process.

6. HABIT: I feel fortunate that I don’t have many unhealthy habits. I don’t smoke, eat junk, drink to excess, or have unsafe sex with random partners of dubious integrity. I even wear my seatbelt. In the physical realm, I am quite the goody-two-shoes. My bad habits inhabit the intangible, such as the tendency to stew too much about things that piss me off. Fucking habits!

7. FACT: I almost always have a hard time falling asleep. My brains need to wind down, not stop short. And I’m not one of those people that can fall asleep anywhere. I have to be comfortable, lying down; have darkness, quiet, a blankie.

8. HABIT: For several years every Thanksgiving, I have given a hundred dollars to the Union Gospel Mission. It truly is a habit in the sense that the perks of doing it (the feeling of goodwill toward men and all that) are barely conscious to me now, yet I can’t imagine not doing it.

Well, since I’m on a roll, I have another confession to make: I don’t have enough blogger friends to comply with rules 4 and 5. The few bloggers I actually know either have already been tagged very recently or are on indefinite hiatus.

Thus I tag my remaining eligible victim, Amaya.

9. FACT: I’ve never been much of a joiner, anyway.