For that not-so-fresh feeling…

My acupuncturist gave me some Chinese herbs for my allergies. Inside the box is a catalog of the rest of the manufacturer’s products.

The product descriptions are in Engrish, but for most of them, I can at least determine with some degree of certainty what the herb is supposed to be a remedy for (heartburn, PMS, stomach ache, etc.).

But I gotta say, this one’s a stumper. And I really need to identify it, because god knows I need the cleanest, most attractive adulation I can get.

Technorati Tags: Engrish, chinese medicine

Old. Young. Just words.

- George Burns

Think life after 60 means rocking chairs, liquified food and Depends? For you, maybe.

Watch the trailer for the new documentary film Hats Off to see what life could be like if you decide to make it so.

And if you don’t fall at least a little bit in love with Mimi Widdell, you have a heart of stone.

Technorati Tags: documentary films, Mimi Widdell, aging

“Let me sing you a song”

As I came out of Elliot Bay Book Store today, a young homeless man stepped into my path and said in a soft voice, “Could you spare some change so I can get a cheeseburger?”

I reached into my jacket pocket and fished around for my wallet.

“I will sing you a song,” he said as I rummaged. “I will–”

Without bothering to count them, I put a wad of folded bills into his outstretched brown hand.

His mouth dropped open a little bit. “Oh, thank you,” he said earnestly, looking into my eyes.

The young man’s shoulders were unnaturally hunched and his head thrust forward and to one side. Though he was at least my height, he had to look up slightly at me. It made him seem wistful, like a child in a toy store.

“You’re welcome,” I said, smiling.

He thrust the bills in his own jacket and held out his hand. “Thank you,” he said again. “Let me sing you a song.”

His hand was warm and soft. “I need to go,” I said. “But I will take a rain check.”

We both grinned at the joke. I turned and headed down the street.

He called after me, “Happy Valentines Day!”

I looked over my shoulder. He was standing still, but leaning toward me like a tree in a wind.

I’m going down to South Park, gonna have myself a time.

It’s a sign you’ve chosen the right job when your new employer encourages you to screw around on the internet on company time.

This is my new cubicle name plate: me singing at the top of my lungs with my iPod,¹ as is my habit. At home anyway. My employer is cool, but not THAT cool.

If you were a South Park character, what would YOU look like?

Technorati Tags: South Park

1. You can’t see him, but Kevin is behind me, laughing. [↩]

Christmas, oh where can you be?

Dear Christmas,

I’ve been waiting since the end of November, but there’s no sign of your cheer yet. Was it something I said?

I have made no Christmas cards and written no yearly Christmas letter.

Kevin actually put up the lights on the house and garage on his own volition, without one nag from me.

Our tree didn’t even go up until way after the first of the month, and even then, it stood bare and dark in the corner for a few days until we took pity on it and decorated.

I adopted a family again this year, but had all the gifts bought, wrapped and delivered within three days. I was fast, efficient, and precise. A donation machine. It’s almost like it never happened.

For friends and family, I’ve bought a total of three gifts…and there’s only twelve shopping days left…

As for me, I want nothing.¹ I have no needs, and I already have enough fun stuff to keep me entertained all year.

Where you at, Christmas?

Maybe you’re around here somewhere and I just haven’t noticed. Come to think of it, a few other things have competed for my attention these past few weeks…

Been very busy at work wrapping up four years’ worth of work as an investigator before I move to a new job in an editorial group next Monday. Happy to be moving on to something new, but sad to leave old friends.²

My perpetual fatigue and increasing exercise intolerance has led my doctor to think I may have developed a leaky heart valve. So I’ll be seeing a cardiologist soon. In addition, looks like my scoliosis may be compressing my lung capacity, so I have to have an X-ray for my back before I suffocate.

Ray Bradbury once said, “You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you.” My post-NaNo hang-over has not been fun, though not un-fun enough to prohibit me from doing it again next year.

Wrapped up as I’ve been in all this nonsense, it’s no wonder your spirit has eluded me. I’m sure you’ve been here all this time, Christmas, waiting patiently for me to stop ignoring you.

But you can’t keep a good holiday down. Sometime between Thanksgiving and today, a pile of empty tins appeared on my kitchen table. Now they are calling to me…things about homemade cookies and gourmet candy and distribution by December 24th.

Don’t give up on me, Christmas, and I won’t give up on you.

1. Except some new footies because mine are falling to pieces, and Kevin’s got that covered in one five-minute trip to J C Pennies. [↩]
2. I had a dream last night that I was defending actions taken by my old team during a conference call with my new team. Mother Hen is leaving the nest. [↩]

We are a justice sandwich!

Technorati Tags: The Tick, cartoons

“Many Dry Weekend Moments!”

Gotta love this classic Pacific Northwest headline courtesy of the morning weather report emailed today from the local news station.

Is it just me, or is there a rather desperate quality in this elation?

“Not only will there be dry moments this weekend, but many! Why, there might even be enough for a full minute! Don’t jump!”

Buff Bird

This just in from that trusted news source, Popbitch:

10,000 residents in Juneau, Alaska, lost power last
weekend after a bald eagle lugging a deer head
crashed into a power transmission system.

The eagle’s people could not be reached for comment.